Archives for May 2009

Addicted to Porn – Signs of Porn Addiction

By R PikeLeave a Comment

May 29 4

Addicted to porn

Addicted to Porn? Here are a few signs you may have a problem with pornography

Many people want to know – “How do I tell if I am addicted to pornography?” I have compiled a few points for you to consider when you are assessing whether you or someone you love has an addiction to porn. Some of the answers can only be done personally, but you will be able to place the other person’s behavior into these questions if assessing someone you love.

You become ‘obsessed’ with it – you are constantly seeking another time to view porn- you plan your days around it. Has porn use become your number 1 or 2 need in your life? Do you find yourself looking forward to another session in front of the computer or TV screen? A porn addict will plan their days and free time around getting alone with pornography. Anticipation throughout the day will get them through their daily routine.

Your mind frequently plays back the scenes you watched. Your mind is pre-occupied with sex. Sex fills most of your thought life. Do you find yourself daydreaming about sex? Do you find yourself sexualizing most every situation and turning it into a porn film fantasy? Do you look every woman up and down to consider what it would be like to have sex with her?

You cannot control the urges that come. These urges order you to go get your fix. It is the greatest need in your life. Do you get yourself all worked up that you need to go use porn to get your fix? Do you have urges to use porn that haunt you all day long?

Logic & safety goes out the window in pursuit of it. You will take risks to satisfy your need for it. Do you satisfy your desire for porn with risky behaviors – visiting adult book stores, view porn at work, view porn in public, go to strip clubs? Has the pursuit of you next fix led you to seek more risque forms of porn? Has ‘normal porn’ become boring to you? Are you into lesbian, fetishes, beastiality, teen, or illegal porn (child porn)? Are you interested or have you had an affair and considered hooking up with strangers for sex?

This list is not all inclusive, but will lead you in the right direction to consider your level of involvement in pornography. Just because you can’t identify with all these behaviors doesn’t mean you aren’t addicted.

Some people are more introverted in their addictions and keep it to themselves and think they are in control. They will not act out as far as risking careers, family, or jail in pursuit of their porn high.

Other people will drift into the extroverted and out of control behaviors. They are the ones who get into the most perverse forms of porn and will even get involved in affairs and sex with prostitutes.

Accountability Partner for Porn addicts

By R PikeLeave a Comment

May 16 3

porn addicts need accountability

Accountability is a word that is thrown around much inside Christian circles. Accountability means we have given someone the right to see if we are behaving properly and carrying out what we said we would do. Just like at work when the boss gives you an assignment and then checks up with you frequently to make sure you are moving forward.

We all realize that we are accountable to God, but how often has that thought entered your mind while surfing porn sites? Probably not much. How different would you act if you had someone ask you every few days? Do you think that would help deter you?

We should each have a very close friend who can ask you things such as “Have you been in The Word?”, “How is your prayer life going?”, “Did you ask for forgiveness from your wife like you said you would?” “Have you looked at porn in the last few days?” Someone needs to be able to ask you tough questions to help keep you on the narrow path.

Here are a few tips on what to look for in an accountability partner and how to conduct an accountability relationship.

– The person you choose for accountability should know you (or get to know you) deeply. No superficial weather talk relationship. They need to know you personally and all about your background, family, struggles, etc.

– Your accountability parter should be allowed to ask you any question. Nothing is off limits! You should not be offended by anything they ask. As the asking partner – be sure you are asking questions in love and not in a way that intimidates or Lord over your partner.

– Your accountability partner should look you in the eye and ask: “Have you looked at pornography since our last meeting?” A good accountability partner needs to be direct and to the point. A good follow up question is “How has your thought life been?” Ask these questions at every meeting!

– An accountability partner should be firm but full of grace. What I mean is that your partner should not tolerate the sin of porn (there are no little peaks allowed), but your partner should show grace by praying with you and analyzing what went wrong without “beating you up” about your failure.

– An accountability partner should have your cell number and you his. You should call your partner when you feel the temptation to indulge in porn. Just like a sponsor for AA, your partner should make himself available anytime for prayer, an encouraging word and a meeting.

Your accountability partner is one of your most powerfull tools in your aresenal to defeat porn addiction. Don’t overlook this point and think you can do it on your own. There is power when two or more believers get together.

Ecclesiastes 4:12 “One person could be overpowered, but two people can stand up for themselves. A rope made of three cords is hard to break.”

The Progression of Porn Usage

By R PikeLeave a Comment

May 1 17

progression of porn use

The Progression of Porn Use – from mild to embarrassingly wild to illegal

If you use pornography regularly you will notice something happen. What used to excite you at one time has is less stimulating now. Porn addiction is like drug use. When you use regularly, you need a larger or stronger dose of it to experience the same high you did a while ago. You build up a tolerance to the drug to the point where you need just a bit more to get high each time.

In the world of pornography it works the same way. When you are first exposed to mild forms or porn you get a high from it. There is a chemical reaction in your brain similar to what happens when using drugs which gives you a high. In another entry we will explore this research, but for now let’s stick with this. You can use mild pornography for a while until you get bored with it and then you will seek out something different.

This is where the start and progression of porn usage scale come in. I developed this scale to demonstrate where porn addiction starts and how it progresses into using more perverted forms of pornography. When you slide down this scale to more perverse porn, your behaviors will change as you become willing to take more risks to feed your addiction. We are not going to address other behaviors outside of porn usage right now, but in another article. I must add that not everyone will escalate into more perverse forms of porn. It is not inevitable that you will slide down the scale, but very possible.

progression of porn use

Porn usage progresses from mild to more hard core

Step 1: Sexual themes and innuendos. This step is what I consider the gateway into pornography. It seems rather innocent, but consider how 40 years ago sexual themes were taboo. Sexual themes and innuendos are seen on TV and read in books. They are usually attractive, flirtatious couples who joke and hint around at having sex. It may even be implied that they are having sex, but not shown together in bed. These themes will take your mind down the road to where it should not go. These themes will ignite the desire to explore sex on your own.

Step 2: Bikinis, underwear & lingerie. Scantily clad models seem to be the norm anymore on TV, magazines, and the movies. You can hardly have the TV on for an hour without seeing one. The supply of this material is endless. A young kid will easily be able to find these pictures in magazines and catalogs that come to your house. If a kid is curious, he will take these for himself and study them. Once the excitement from these wears off, it will lead to the next step.

Step 3: Soft Porn- Playboy, topless, nudes. After looking at scantily clad models, it won’t be too long before you want to see what is under those bikinis. Access to nude pictures is easy whether on the internet, a garage calendar or from a magazine purchased at the drug store. This step encompasses models posing nude and not in any suggestively sexual positions. Playboy magazine was made famous for showing off nude women.

Step 4: Teasing & suggestive sexual positions. Once looking at naked women loses its thrill, the next step is to see them in teasing photos and suggestive sexual positions. This is where Penthouse came to existence. Penthouse was a bit more hard core than Playboy in such as they had picture sequences of women pretending to masturbate or couples engaging in sex. The pictures in this progressive step do not show the actual sex act, but suggest it by positioning the models in poses leave the rest to the imagination.

Step 5: Photos & videos of sex acts. Once you get a taste of sex from the suggestive photos, you will want to see what those photos do not show. This step involves viewing photos and videos of couples having intercourse and nothing is left to the imagination. This step involves normal sexual activity that happens between a man and woman.

Step 6: Group Sex, fetishes. Some people will not progress beyond step 5, but others will get into step six. Step six includes porn such as group sex (more than 2 people), and fetishes (feet, huge breasts, bi-racial, nylons). This step breaks from the normal a bit and allows the addict to feed on a specific type of porn. This porn is a little more perverted, but does not break any laws.

Step 7: Teens, child porn, gay. Some people stay at step six, but some will progress into this area which is getting increasingly dangerous and perverted. Using this type of porn further erodes the moral boundaries of a person. The person who has progressed to this type of porn is in trouble. They are in risk of jail time and progressing to the next level.

Step 8: Beastiality, rape and violent porn. I considered how this could be merged in with step 7, but to me this type of pornography is the worst. When someone uses pornography and has gotten to this level, they are in mortal danger of becoming a criminal. Ted Bundy progressed to this level and he became a murderer. In an interview, he confessed that pornography and then violent pornography were a big part of his life and the next high he got was from murder.

This progressive usage of pornography scale is an example of how the addict seeks a stronger dose of porn as he gets bored with a lesser type. If there is a lesson in this example, it is to quit while you can! Wake up and access what step you are at on this scale. How easy has it been to get to the step you are on? How easy do you think it will be to go on to the next step?

Please leave your comments below. Tell me if I have misclassified the types or have missed some step altogether. Your feedback is appreciated.