Pornography is the New Drug

pornography is a drug

 

This video, produced by fight the new drug sums up how pornography acts on our bodies the same way that drugs do.   Give it a watch and understand why we need to fight against pornography and keep it out our homes, out of our computers and off our television.  If you have not had a good reason to install an internet filter on your computer, (like covenant eyes) this should persuade you.  You do not want your children falling into pornography addiction like I did and so many others are daily, right now.

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Why there IS such thing as sex addiction, a rebuttal to Dr David Ley

sex addiction

Why I believe Sex Addiction is REAL

I just finished and article published in the Telegraph by Dr David Ley titled “Why there’s no such thing as sex addiction”. I must disagree with his article, since I believe that sex addiction exists.

The main points he makes to back up this statement are.

  • It isn’t an illness, it’s a weakness – there is no evidence sex addiction is a valid psychiatric disorder.  It hasn’t been recognized as a bona fide disease by the mental health profession
  • Sex addiction is wrongly applied the same characteristics of drug and alcohol addiction. He doesn’t believe there are any ill effects on the body, nor withdrawal symptoms.
  • He doesn’t believe that men can get lost to the powers of internet porn.  He says that there is no evidence of harm it does or we would be awash in sex crimes and public sexual displays.  Since addicts can function at a high level there is no evidence of addiction.  Phil Varone of Skid Row never considered himself an addict to sex because he functioned so highly and it didn’t mess up his life.
  • Sex addiction is a product of social and religious institutions that portray sexual desire as something destructive and weakening and men must rein it in.  These institutions have labeled sex as evil.  Sex is healthy and good for you; more sex equals healthier, happier people.
  • People use the label of sex addiction to shirk responsibility for their actions.  The real reason is the bad choices they make.

 

Let’s deal with his statements one by one; you may be surprised at my point of view.

Dr Ley says that sex addiction isn’t an illness, it’s a weakness.  First off, I think it is funny that he keeps labeling this as sex addiction while stating there is no such thing.  He should come up with another term to label this weakness so that we won’t get his point of view confused.  On this point I have to agree with him.  Shocking as it may be I don’t think sex addiction is a disease.  Just like I don’t believe that drug and alcohol abuse are diseases.  In my very un-clinical mind a disease is an illness that you contract by either contact with another person or genetically.  You cannot catch alcoholism, drug abuse or sex addiction.  You are not born into them, nor do you have symptoms of them without bringing it on yourself.  I’m not sure where the disease label originated from, but I disagree with it.  You can have the tendency to like alcohol or pornography and drugs, but diving into these doesn’t happen without you first giving into the temptation after making some poor decisions.  We are not robotic in this sense.

Next he goes on to say that sex addiction is wrongly applied the same characteristics as drug and alcohol abuse, mainly because there are no ill effects on the body or withdrawal symptoms.  On this statement I have to disagree.  Too much sex or pornography does indeed have ill effects on the body.  I won’t give you all the details, but you can read my account on how pornography made me sick.  It wasn’t until I gave up porn that I began to recover from the mysterious illness that plagued me.  I’m not certain, but I believe it had something to do with the adrenal system.  How can he say for certain that too much sex is not bad for the body?  At what level is it considered too much?

 

To say there are no withdrawal symptoms with sex addiction is another unfounded statement.  There were many times that I decided to quit pornography and went through withdrawal.  It consumed me to the point I could not function.  There was no concentration or rest.  The urges would only go away after I would indulge in porn.  Don’t just take my word for it, read the testimonies of other sex/porn addicts.  Read Kastleman’s book on the brain science behind internet pornography use.

Dr Ley does not believe that men can get lost in the power of porn.  The quote by Skid Row’s drummer backs up his statement.  Do all addicts lose their functionality and mess up their lives…of course not.  Some are able to lead (on the outside) normal functioning lives.  They are able to compartmentalize their addiction from the rest of their lives.  Others are not so lucky and lose everything.  Dr Ley fails to realize the internal harm that wreaks havoc on the addict.  The guilt, shame and feelings of worthlessness as a result of the addiction may not always appear on the outside.  The truth is that porn is like the siren calling to you day and night to come in and visit her.  There is a pull that appeals to our sexual natures, our need for escape and the physical feeling of euphoria.  The call is there around every corner for the addict.

He also feels sex has been given a bad rap by social and religious organizations that have deemed sex to be destructive, weakening and evil.  These stigmas on sex then make those who have active sex drives to think something is wrong with them and they are addicts.  Lots of sex is good for you.  In this statement I think he has twisted the view by social and religious organizations.  Free sex and promiscuity are deemed destructive, sex without a boundary is destructive, not sex itself.  Sex within the boundary of a marriage is responsible and healthy.  Lots of sex within a marriage is very healthy.

The last point he makes seems to be the crux of his whole article.  Dr Ley feels that sex addicts use the label to escape responsibility for their actions when it is their choices that have gotten them into trouble.  I say right on!  People like to blame someone or something for their bad behavior.  Blaming sexual addiction and then checking into rehab somehow makes everyone feel OK about it, like it’s not their fault.  I say it is their fault and they are addicted.

I don’t believe being addicted to sex or porn and it being your own fault are exclusive of each other.  You are an addict and it is your fault!  This takes us back to the point where sex addiction is labeled as a disease.  A disease label seems to absolve the afflicted from responsibility.  I think this is the whole hang-up Dr Ley has with using the label Sex Addiction.  He firmly believes (as I do) that the person makes bad decisions and is fully responsible for their own actions.  They are not victims to a disease.  They are just people who succumb to a weakness or temptation that has taken them farther than they imagined they would go.

What do you think?  Please leave your comments below.

Other Posts you may find helpful:

The Signs of Pornography Addiction

Side Effects of Using Porn: Caution

Confessions of a Sex Addict

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How Porn Almost Killed Me

Starting in my teen years I developed this strange recurring illness that no one could figure out.  Every month to two months, like clockwork I would get sick.  My illness would start out as a sore throat with severe tiredness then I would come down with a fever.  These episodes would last a few days and only went away when I slept them off.

My parents and I were concerned, did I have a disease?  I went to my internist until he exhausted his resources.  He sent me to cardiology, ENT and even infectious disease.  They all found nothing!

This illness was not in my head as a few people had suggested!  I just accepted the fact that I would be sick the rest of my life and there was nothing that could be done.  Boy was I really discouraged.

I only saw relief from my sickness when I quit using porn!  Looking back on the whole sickness period of my life, there was only one constant involved along the way and that was my using porn.

I have researched this to see if I could find any evidence that these two issues were related.  Here is what I have found out.

  • Pornography usage is very similar to drug usage in that it causes ‘feel good’ substances to be released in your body.  This fact is one of the biggest reasons why people become addicted.
  • Dopamine is one of those chemicals release in your body that is associated with pleasure.  These are release when doing drugs or pornography.
  • Too much dopamine released into your body can cause a weakening of the immune system.
  • Too much dopamine decreases the amount of serotonin in your body which is critical to sleep cycles.  Lack of sleep wreaks havoc on your immune system.
  • A weakened immune system allows you to get sick.

I firmly believed that pornography almost killed me.  I was getting sicker and sicker and no one could diagnose me.

Now I only get sick whenever something is going around.

Life without porn is better!

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Escaping pain in your life through pornography

I was just reminded this past weekend why some people turn to drugs, alcohol and pornography – to escape pain.  As humans we do everything we can to avoid pain.  It’s one of our instincts.

If we have a headache, we take aspirin or Tylenol.  If we are suffering with a cold we take various cold medicines.  When something inflicts pain we flinch and pull away.  How about when situations from the past or our current life cause pain?  Don’t we want to avoid that emotional or relational pain as well?

Avoiding emotional and relational pain from the past or in our current life is an instinct.  What we do to avoid this pain and cope with it is where we can get into trouble.  Sometimes these situations we are trying to cope with are out of our control and we don’t know how to process them or what to do.

Instead of dealing with the problems we tend to want to forget about them and avoid them.  Using pornography provides this escape and makes us feel good.  We tend to go from feeling pain, to avoiding pain to seeking pleasure.

Indulging in these pleasures makes the pain go away temporarily, and really compounds the pain in the end.  You know the list of consequences that go along with using pornography, but we don’t think of that when we are indulging.  It feels good so we just do it and have to keep doing it to maintain the pleasure and avoid the pain.  Pretty soon we have an addiction.

Breaking these addictions is necessary, but don’t forget about the underlying pain that you were avoiding in the first place.  Dealing with that pain is essential to staying addiction free.  If you don’t deal with the pain, you will fall right back into your addiction.

Seek professional help to pinpoint those sources of pain in your life.  They will help you clarify what is causing your pain and they will walk you through dealing with them instead of avoidance.

There is a saying “The only way out is through”.  Working your way out of addiction and pain will be tough, but it is necessary to achieve the freedom you want.  Freedom from addiction.  Freedom from trauma in the past.  Freedom from current life situations.

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Porn is warping a generation of men

Fascinatingly honest article from the New York Post on the younger generation of men.

  • They grew up with internet pornography easily accessible anytime
  • Many learned all they know about sex from pornography (sad)
  • These men think their partners need to act like the women in pornography (very sad)
  • Sex to them is physical and all about them; no intimacy involved

Read the article here and follow the comments. I think the brutal honesty and facts presented in this article are not easily found in most articles written about pornography and it’s effects.

How can we return sex to how it was intended and not the way portrayed in pornography?  What ways can we protect our own children from falling into the trap of pornography and getting their view of sexuality warped?

Comments welcomed below.

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Side Effects of Porn

Pornography has serious side effects to the wary user

Before you indulge, Check the side effects of porn

 

Last time we looked at some of the reasons why a porn habit is tough to break.We use porn in secret and think that if no one knows, it can’t hurt anyone.A sin that is kept in the dark will grow just like a fungus.The sex saturated society we live it won’t let us forget about how we need to put sex as our number one need.Everywhere we turn there are reminders of how important sex is and how we value it above many other things.When we feast on sex saturated media, we buy into the value system society offers us in regards to porn and sex.We also have been led to believe that use of pornography has no ill effects on the user and that our usage has no effects on anyone around us.As long as we can justify our usage and point out the lack of side effects, no harm, no foul, or so we think.Porn is a tough habit to break and these are just a few of the reasons why we stay enslaved to it.

 

This time we are going to take a look at what porn does to its users.Contrary to popular culture’s stance on pornography, there are side effects to using porn.Drug companies are legally required to warn you of the possible side effects while taking their product.Many people will never experience all of the side effects listed or they will have one or two of them but won’t attribute them to the drug they are taking.It’s the same thing with porn usage.You will have a side effect, but you may not realize or notice it yourself.Sometimes people around you will notice something that you are blind to.Here are a few of the side effects that may be present in you, some obvious, others not so much.

 

 

  • It amplifies our selfishness.Pornography focuses on our satisfaction, our needs, and turns us towards ourselves.When you watch porn- who gets the most satisfaction in the film?-The guy.Most pornography elevates the importance of the guy’s pleasure and shows the woman as the willing provider of it.This theme runs throughout the pornography world and will find its way into your life.After hundreds of impressions of these situations, you will find yourself acting more selfishly, especially in your interactions with women.Why?Because the standard pornography theme has subconsciously tricked you into believing that your feelings and satisfaction are greater than anyone else’s.You have satisfied yourself with the images of others who willingly gave in to your desires and needs.Now you are more biased towards your own satisfaction that you will act selfishly towards those around you.It will be hard for you to see this yourself, but you will become more selfish than you already are.Don’t be surprised when someone close to you points this out.

 

  • Pornography changes our perception of women.Women become objects instead of human beings.This goes along with the point above.The most common theme in pornography is a woman giving herself to the man to please him.The woman is portrayed as super eager to please her man, that she will do whatever he wants, even to the point of degrading herself.The focus is on the man getting off.Think about what usually happens in the end of a pornography film.The man gets off and then its over!When he is done, it’s all over.It’s all about the guy.The woman’s need is not considered and then she is degraded by how the guy shows her his thanks… by covering her in his semen.. that is real class, huh.This scene, played over and over before our eyes will make us believe that women are available anytime men are ready and they will do whatever we want because they are here to please us.We will look at them not as humans with personalities and feelings, but as sluts here to please us.You will know that your thinking about women has changed to viewing them as objects when you scan their body and immediately think of them in bed servicing you.You won’t even register their facial features, their smile and the color of their hair or eyes.Immediately your eyes will go to their body and you will start lusting for them.Women are created in the image of God deserving of our honor and respect. They are not here just for our pleasure.

 

  • Pornography robs you of your passion for anything else besides itself.Pornography takes control of our passion and uses it to satisfy itself.Your passions will get consumed by it and you have none left to pursue noble causes.Pornography is a mean task-master, it grabs you and will force you to feed it unmercifully!You will find yourself searching for more time to give to it, plotting out ways to get away to feed it.Your spare moments are spent thinking of the next time you can get lost in pornography.Pornography drains you because so much energy and passion go into feeding it, that you have no energy or passion to put forth into other areas of your life.That is why one of the ways out of pornography is to find a new passion.It is very true that idle hands are the devil’s workshop.Just let yourself be idle and not involved in something and watch pornography knock on the door asking you come in.

 

  • Pornography will destroy your ability to be intimate (emotionally) with your spouse and others.It develops a false intimacy, one where you relate with someone who is attractive, satisfies your physical needs and does not require anything from you.This relationship you have with pornography is very different from real life.In real life, you have to speak with people who don’t always affirm you and actually speak to you, sometimes even in anger.Relationships in porn films are superficial and only for one thing: sex.There very little communication.In real life you cannot just walk up to someone and expect sex after a few words.You may find yourself wanting to disengage from conversations with your spouse and retreating to the world of porn where you create your own adventure.Real emotional intimacy with your spouse is much more work and painful at times verses what happens in the porn world.

 

  • Pornography will destroy your ability to be intimate physically with your spouse.Pornography provides physically attractive women who have all the right proportions you love.The vast variety of women available allows you to be picky about who you choose to get off on.You can have a different woman each time.All the while you are setting yourself up for failure in the bedroom with your spouse.Your spouse will seem boring and not as attractive.You lose the appetite for sex with your wife and your encounters become infrequent.When you do come together you may have a difficult time getting the job done and your mind may also be elsewhere (with a porno star).Your wife knows something is up!Don’t think you can hide it.If you aren’t totally there for her she will be suspicious.

 

  • Pornography will grow the time you spend in fantasy land.Once exposed to this exciting world where anything goes and there are no problems, you will find yourself trying to escape to this place anytime you can.While you are waiting in traffic, mowing the lawn, in the bathroom, trying to fall asleep or anywhere else you can go and put your mind in neutral, you will find yourself fantasizing about sex.Pornography will get in your head and it will expand to take up as much space on your hard drive like a virus!You will become more distant to your spouse when you spend lots of time in fantasy land.Maybe she does have a point when she says you ‘are distant lately’.

 

  • Pornography will make you act differently in the bedroom.Your focus will become more on your own satisfaction and not so much giving your wife pleasure and you will want to try things you saw in pornography.You may not spend the time getting her ready and paying attention to her needs as you are to ‘getting it done’.Think about the pornography scenes you have watched… how many of them involve lengthy kissing and foreplay?Not many.They usually get down to business.This is what you will start to emulate.You will also want to try things that you saw in pornography.Many of the things you saw in pornography are not healthy and should not be done.Anal sex, for example is shown in lots of pornography, but it is unhealthy and will hurt the person done to.You obviously should never force anyone to do something that they are not comfortable with.Have you wanted to ‘talk dirty’ to your wife?Whether or not you have said it, I will bet it has come to your mind.

 

 

Take all these points together and don’t you think you wife will get wise to your pornography consumption?Of course she will!She may not be able to finger the problem, but she will be on alert.Maybe you say she will never know because you have had this problem before she knew you.Consider this:When you go through your cycles of pornography usage (going from high usage to no usage) do you think your actions change based on which cycle you’re in?I would say yes.Be honest and remember that whatever you feed will grow!

 

If you feed your pornography addiction it will grow and you will be displaying many of the side effects given above as you progress in the addiction.When you starve your pornography addiction and redirect your passions into other areas, the side effects of pornography will dissipate and not be as noticeable.

 

Even if you were using pornography before you met her, you have been through the normal cycles of usage.Chances are you thought that when you got married, you would not need pornography anymore and so you stopped when you first met and were married.The point is, she has seen you at your best (off of pornography) and at your worst (using pornography) and she will notice the difference.

 

Maybe you aren’t married and are thinking this doesn’t apply to you.You will display some of the side effects of using pornography.These side effects will directly impact how you treat the women you date.They may not want to date you for long, or maybe you get more rejections than you like.Whatever the case, you will be able to identify with some of the side effects and they will be picked up by some people.

 

Consider these side effects before you consider using porn again.Porn is bad for your health!

 

Using porn has some unforseen side effects

Using porn has some unforseen side effects

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