Finding your WHY to make lasting lifestyle changes

Finding your Why will lead to lasting lifestyle changes

 

Whenever you want to make a change in your life, after deciding what that change is and developing a plan, you need to work on your Why. Setting goals to make positive changes in your life is important. A goal is where you want to be at a specific point in time in the future. Goals need to be backed up by a good plan that measures your success so that you can make adjustments along the way.

 

Having a goal and a plan to get there is not enough. You still need to think about your Why. Your Why is the reason(s) for wanting to achieve the goal. Your Why is the underlying purpose behind your goal and is what is driving you to make it. When times get tough your Why will remind you of the reasons and will pull you through. Your Why is tied to a deep seated belief or emotion at your core or someone you really care about.

Lasting lifestyle change WHY

 

Let’s look at an example. I want to lose weight. Great, but let’s narrow that down and be specific. I want to lose 25 pounds by June 15th. That means I’ll have to lose approximately 4.25 pounds per month or just over a pound per week for the next six months. Perfect. What is your Why?

 

The reason I want to loose weight is to have my clothes fit better and feel healthier. Good enough? Maybe. Can we dig a bit deeper? Why do I want to have my clothes fit better? I don’t want to go shopping for bigger clothes. Why? Because I don’t want to admin to my wife that my clothes don’t fit. I already don’t feel good about myself and further embarrassment won’t help. If I can lose weight I will avoid the embarrassment of asking for new clothes plus I will feel better about my self and be more confident.

 

Let’s drill down on feeling healthier. Why do I want to feel healthier? Well, my kids can run circles around me. I am sluggish and slow. If I get healthier I can be more active with them. If I am healthier, I won’t fall into obesity and heart disease like the rest of my family is experiencing. Their quality of life is bad and I don’t want to live like that.

 

Do you see what we’ve done? We kept asking Why until we got to the core of the reasons. Most reasons can be drilled down until you strike that nerve! You need to discover your Why or Whys, otherwise you won’t feel like pulling out of the dip that comes when you’re ready to give up.

 

Let’s look at a Why as it relates to breaking free from addiction to pornography. I want to be free from pornography because it will ruin my marriage. If my marriage is ruined, I will be lonely and will miss my kids deeply. I can’t imagine being that alone and having my heart ache because I chose looking at naked women on the internet over my kids and wife. I don’t want to break her heart and my kids hearts by having to leave them.

 

I also want to be free from pornography because it angers God. It makes me feel guilty and destroys our relationship. In 1 Corinthians 6:9 got says adulterers won’t inherit the kingdom. I certainly don’t want to risk my salvation over some temporary fleshly pleasures.

 

Every time I get tempted to look at pornography, I stop and ask myself; Is this ten minutes of pleasure really worth destroying my family and having my heart and my kids hearts broken? Is it really wise to exchange some video of a woman I don’t know for an eternity away from God? Can I hurt the feelings of a God who has given me so much?

 

When I see the sadness on my children’s faces and when I feel the loneliness of living without my family, I know the my Why. When I feel the shame and guilt and see the disappointment of my heavenly father or picture myself at the gates of heaven being turned away, I know my Why.

 

Your Why will hit the core of your beliefs, the things you love and cherish, and your self worth. Your Why will ring true with who you are and who you want to be. When you feel that emotion associated with your why, you know you have found it.

 

Now go and find your Whys for the things your want to change in your life!

 

 

 

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How to confirm your husband watching Porn on the net

husband watching porn

Is Your Husband Watching Porn on the net?

Sorry guys, but I am going to give up some tactics for your wives to use to track your internet usage.  If you have been viewing pornography, then stop and you will have nothing to worry about.  Otherwise, continue at your own risk and worry that she might read this site and discover your secrets.

Ladies, you don’t have to be super tech savvy to deploy some of these tactics to discover your husband’s use of pornography on the internet.  You will have to know your way around the computer a bit.  First off, you need access the computer you think he is using to do this.  If he has his own laptop or desktop you will need about 45 minutes to an hour to check out the computer.  I won’t get into privacy issues here, so you need to decide that on your own.

husband watching porn

There is more than one way to catch your husband watching porn

 

Once you have his computer go straight to the cookies, forget the internet history.  Chances are his browser automatically deletes that when shut down, but cookies are deleted manually.  Check the cookies out for obvious websites and access dates.  If you find nothing here now you will have to try one of these two solutions that will cost you a few bucks, but get you the answers you need.

The first solution uses a program to scan all the image files on the computer hard drive.  You will see all the images that the internet browser has loaded up even if he has deleted them.  This program takes some time to do its job, but you should know if any pornographic images have been loaded up on that computer.  It comes preloaded on a USB stick drive. You should get a hold of his computer and insert the USB drive in and run the program.  The program is called Discover it and you can purchase it on Amazon by clicking here.  Also, I have heard success with the device: KJB Security PC401 Spy Cobra PC Monitoring Software Deluxe.

The next solution would be to install a program on his computer or smart phone, that will run undetected in the background.  This program is not an internet filter, but will monitor the internet sites he visits.  You can set the program up to either email or text you when he visits a pornographic site.  You will get the notice within a minute of the visit and you will then know what site was visited.  This program is called Savii accountability and I have found it to be very accurate with timely notification.  I have edited this post because Savii is no longer available.  I do however recommend using a software called Covenant Eyes.  Covenant Eyes can be installed on any computer and smart phone (iPhone or Android).  What it does is monitor the internet sites that are visited and ranks them based on a rating system created by Covenant eyes.  You will automatically receive an email report weekly or you can run a report on demand on the covenant eyes website.  If he does any internet searches for porn or visits a porn site, covenant eyes will log those and preserve them for your review, even if he is good at managing his internet tracks.  Read more on the covenant eyes website:  Covenant Eyes

I am sure there are many other ways to discover pornography usage on a particular computer, but I will recommend only these methods because I have tried them out myself and can vouch for their effectiveness.

 

 


 

 

Has your life been impacted by Porn?  If you are the wife of a porn user, I need to hear from you.  I am compiling stories for a book and I want to hear your story.   Help others through your story!  Please get in contact with me here:  Contact me now  Free copies/benefits available to those who contribute.


 

Another point I want to make to those who decide to go through this process is to have a plan before you start.  Get your resources lined up ahead of time before you go through his computer and install anything.  Decide what you are going to do with the data once you get it.  If you don’t have a plan and follow through with your findings, then don’t attempt it.

 

Here are some questions to ask yourself before you get going.  How will you get access to his computer without drawing attention?  What will you say to him regarding the way you found out about his usage?  Will you reveal how you found out?  Can you bring up the subject matter without accusations & highly charged emotions?  Are you willing to work through this with him and walk with him instead of telling him to fix himself with an ultimatum?

I wish you the best of luck while doing your recon work.

 

Related articles:

Evidence of her Husband’s porn stash

Four reasons why your husband watches internet porn

Is watching pornography cheating? – using pornography compared to cheating or adultery

Signs that someone is addicted to porn.

His Porn Addiction – A wife’s perspective on his dirty habit

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Escaping pain in your life through pornography

I was just reminded this past weekend why some people turn to drugs, alcohol and pornography – to escape pain.  As humans we do everything we can to avoid pain.  It’s one of our instincts.

If we have a headache, we take aspirin or Tylenol.  If we are suffering with a cold we take various cold medicines.  When something inflicts pain we flinch and pull away.  How about when situations from the past or our current life cause pain?  Don’t we want to avoid that emotional or relational pain as well?

Avoiding emotional and relational pain from the past or in our current life is an instinct.  What we do to avoid this pain and cope with it is where we can get into trouble.  Sometimes these situations we are trying to cope with are out of our control and we don’t know how to process them or what to do.

Instead of dealing with the problems we tend to want to forget about them and avoid them.  Using pornography provides this escape and makes us feel good.  We tend to go from feeling pain, to avoiding pain to seeking pleasure.

Indulging in these pleasures makes the pain go away temporarily, and really compounds the pain in the end.  You know the list of consequences that go along with using pornography, but we don’t think of that when we are indulging.  It feels good so we just do it and have to keep doing it to maintain the pleasure and avoid the pain.  Pretty soon we have an addiction.

Breaking these addictions is necessary, but don’t forget about the underlying pain that you were avoiding in the first place.  Dealing with that pain is essential to staying addiction free.  If you don’t deal with the pain, you will fall right back into your addiction.

Seek professional help to pinpoint those sources of pain in your life.  They will help you clarify what is causing your pain and they will walk you through dealing with them instead of avoidance.

There is a saying “The only way out is through”.  Working your way out of addiction and pain will be tough, but it is necessary to achieve the freedom you want.  Freedom from addiction.  Freedom from trauma in the past.  Freedom from current life situations.

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My Free Book – How to Break Porn Addiction

Hi All!!   I am very excited about this post.. because it is the announcement of my book that has been 2 years in the making:

How to Break the Bonds of Pornography Addiction and Live in True Freedom

Two plus years later, I am leaving perfection behind and getting this out there to help anyone who is struggling with Pornography addiction.

Inside my book you will find a practical guide on how to break free from pornography addiction.  In all my years of reading on this subject, I have found very good books and some not so good.  Most books leaned too heavily into the spiritual side of addiction while others had no spiritual side.

My aim in this book was to bring a balance of spiritual healing and aid along with practical tactics you can use in your daily life.  This guide will walk you through some personal processing and steps to get yourself ready for healing and breaking free from pornography.  There is also a large amount of resources that will point you in the right direction to get yourself some further help.

I am not a therapist, counselor or pastor, just a recovering addict trying to help others who want out of the pornography trap.  Please download my book for free.  Please read it, follow the directions and visit the resources.  You will soon be putting together your battle plan against pornography and walking in freedom.

Freedom is good.  We were never meant to be slaves to anything, especially sin.  Live Free today.

Download it Free right here : How-to-Break-the-Bonds-of-Pornography-addiction-and-Live-in-True-Freedom

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The Adulteress and Pornography

We can learn a lot from chapter 5 of the book of Proverbs.  This chapter speaks about the adulteress woman and how she can easily snare a man if he does not listen to wisdom and avoid her.

What does this have to do with pornography addiction?  The adulteress woman in this chapter can be replaced with pornography itself.  Follow me and see if this parallel is definitely valid.

1. My son, give attention to my wisdom, incline your ear to my understanding; 2. That you may observe discretion and your lips may reserve knowledge.

First off, Solomon advises his son to listen to him and gain wisdom.  Pay attention to what I am about to tell you this is important!  Solomon is trying to warn his son from the point of view of experience perhaps.

3. For the lips of an adulteress drip honey and smoother than oil is her speech

The adulteress speaks words that are sweet and smooth.  She has a sensual proposition.  Pornography speaks to us the same way doesn’t it?  Pornography says: “Come and take a peek, I am ready for you and have all the pleasure you are looking for, You will get a break from your boring world just for a while.”  That scantily dressed attractive woman from the photo calls out to you to take break and enter her world.

4. But in the end she is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword.

When all the sensual fun is over, you are left with the bitter reality of what you just did.  You are full of shame and regret.  “I can’t believe I was so stupid to fall again”  It hurts like a two edged sword – It does severe damage.  It damages your integrity, your marriage, and other ways in which you will find out about later.  You can’t play with it without getting hurt.

5. Her feet go down to death, her steps take hold of Sheol. 6. She does not ponder the path of life; her ways are unstable, she does not know.

Pornography and the adulteress are lost and on the way to Hell.  They both live for today and do not consider the consequences of their actions.  Those lost in the sin of pornography live for that high that pornography gives them.  Some of them are unaware of where it will lead them both in consequences in this life and in eternal life.

7. Now then, my sons, listen to me and do not depart from the words of my mouth. 8. Keep your way far from her and do not go near the door of her house,

Solomon warns them to do what he says and do not even go near the adulteress!  Stay far from her!  Pornography should be kept away from – far away.  How many times did you ‘play around the edges’ as I did and ‘only’ look at lingerie or half nudes??  Then what happened?  You, just like me were drawn into all out pornography.  Solomon was wise to say stay far away.  You can’t play around the edges!  She is a master seducer and you are weak.
9. Or you will give your vigor to others and your years to the cruel one; 10. And strangers will be filled with your strength and your hard-earned goods will go to the house of an alien; 11. And you groan at your final end, when your flesh and your body are consumed; 12. And you say, “How I have hated instruction! and my heart spurned reproof! 13. “I have not listened to the voice of my teachers, nor inclined my ear to my instructors! 14.  “I was almost in utter ruin in the midst of the assembly and congregation

The price we pay for giving into an adulteress and pornography is with our time, material goods and our souls!  Pornography steals our time.  How many times did you sit down to look at some only to come to your senses 4 hours later?  It steals our time in this way and also with the way it preoccupies our waking thoughts too.  Pornography will steal your material goods because it makes you less productive and are dumping money into buying pornography.  Pornography will steal your soul.  What a statement.  Very sobering.  Pornography can turn you into a monster if you let it.  Ted Bundy feasted on a steady diet of porn and he admitted to its influence on his life.

Drink water from your own cistern and fresh water from your own well. 16. Should your springs be dispersed abroad, streams of water in the streets? 17. Let them be yours alone and not for strangers with you. 18. Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth. 19. As a loving hind and a graceful doe, let her breasts satisfy you at all times; be exhilarated always with her love. 20. For why should you, my son, be exhilarated with an adulteress and embrace the bosom of a foreigner?

Solomon advises us to draw water from our own well.  Don’t get your sexual satisfaction from a stranger.  Don’t give yourself to anyone but your wife.  Your wife and you should exclusively be the only sexual satisfaction for each other.  Pornography seems like it satisfies, but it really is empty.  You may go to porn for intimacy, but it is a false intimacy.  You are still hungry after using pornography, it just doesn’t satisfy.

21. For the ways of a man are before the eyes of the LORD, and He watches all his paths. 22. His own iniquities will capture the wicked, and he will be held with the cords of his sin. 23. He will die for lack of instruction, and in the greatness of his folly he will go astray

Finally, Solomon reminds us of the reality of the Lord watching our every move and the consequences of our sin.  Would you watch pornography with someone else in the room that would not approve?  Well, the Lord sees us at all times!  He watches all our paths!  Every time you watch pornography, the Lord knows what you are doing.  Our sin will bind us and we will pay for them.  No one watches porn anonymously and without consequence!

Proverbs chapter five was given as a challenge for our accountability group to read everyday for a week.  It is a great example to remind us of why we need to live pure lives.  Pornography is the enemy and it seeks us out.  It tries to trip us up and bring us down with itself.  We need to stay far away from pornography and not even play near the edges.  We in no way are allowed to see any nudity other than that of our wives.  Pornography robs us of our time and resources.  It will put us to shame and will steal away our souls.  Focus your sexual desires on your wife and enjoy her as she was meant to be for you.  Pornography will not satisfy you, it only takes from you.  Remember that the eyes of the Lord are everywhere and are watching you.  The Lord will reveal the secrets and all things done in private.  If you do not repent and stop using pornography, you will suffer the consequences.  No one sins without consequences.

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