How to Deal with the Porn Addict in your Life

the porn addiction he won't talk about

His Porn Addiction & your Pain

He is addicted to porn & won’t talk to her about it!

the porn addiction he won't talk about

Today’s post comes from a real person who reached out for help.  I will be publishing more or these in the future and you will remain anonymous as did ‘Susan’.

 
I am dealing with a porn addict. I tried talking with him about it but got
nowhere. He looks at high school girls and suggests kinky stuff. I can’t
get my point across. I get cut off! Help! ~Susan
 

Susan, I am very sorry you are getting nowhere in trying to talk to him about this porn addiction he has. It is a very normal reaction to deny and deflect when you are confronted with sinful behavior or ways that you have wronged another person. It is also embarrassing to be confronted by your significant other with the fact that you watch porn and masturbate.

Those being said, you should be careful in how you approach him about it. If my wife comes at me in accusatory tones and is flat out angry, I am going into defensive mode and am totally shut down to hearing anything she has to say. On the other hand, if she keeps and even temperament and speaks to me with concern and caring in her voice, she will elicit a much open response from me.

I know that you have feelings of anger and betrayal stewing up inside you and can’t help yourself, but you won’t be able to help him until you talk to him on a level playing field and get him to open up about his porn use. Once he feels safe enough to talk about it, he might.

He might talk about it or may not. Some people won’t face the truth and will do everything to avoid it. As long as you are sure he is using porn, you have ground to stand on. If this is suspicion and you don’t have proof, then it’s his word against your accusations.

Either way, you can’t live with someone who is a porn addict but won’t confess to it, nor can you live with someone you suspect is using porn. In both instances you will harbor resentment against him and wind up destroying the relationship.

There is hope for him to kick this addiction!

Ask you own question here: porn addiction questions

What additional or differing advice would you give Susan? Please comment below.

 

 

Comments

  1. I have known about my husband’s porn addiction for 8 years. About 2 years ago I found under-age pornography on his ipad. I finally had enough of our deteriorating marriage and we separated 5 months ago. His apartment lease will be up in 3 months and he wants to come back home. He says he doesnt have a problem anymore but he has done nothing to prove that to me, no accountability, no counseling, etc. so obviously i doubt every word he speaks. I do not want a divorce and its killing us financially to have two “homes” so im tempted to let him come back home. My biggest fear is that I do and never catch him again (he is really smart with technology) and ill never know but our whole marriage will continue to be based on a lie. We have a 4yr old daughter and i hate this for her! Of course he is always going to lie to me and say he isn’t looking but it an affair of the mind and i will bever know. I want desperately to KNOW!

  2. I’m having the same problem. My boyfriend won’t stop watching it even though he said I have nothing to worry about. I know he’s watching it, because I find it on his phone. He knows how much it hurts me. I asked him to tell me if he slips up and I have to end up getting it out of him. I get so upset! I found it on his phone today. I’m giving him till the end of the night to confess to me. If he doesn’t, I don’t know what I’m going to do. I need help!

    • He says you have nothing to worry about because in the porn addicts mind, there is a separation between the fantasy world and reality with you. He will not confess to you on his own. You might get it out of him if you ask him directly. If you have really opened up to him about how it makes you feel, and he still indulges, then you have issues. Offer to get him help. If he is not interested, then you decide if you want to leave him.

Speak Your Mind

*