The heart of the matter – from the overflow of the heart is what you live out

overflow of heart

What is inside your heart?

A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of. Luke 6:45

The contents of your heart are expressed in what you say and do.  The heart that we are referring to here is not the physical heart, but your spirit or soul or who you are.

As humans, we carry around some sinful things in our hearts simply because we are human.  Jealousy, envy, selfishness, etc are hidden in the heart.

For out of the heart come evil thoughts–murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander. Matthew 15:19

We can control what we put into our hearts.  Yes.  If we put in garbage, we get garbage back out.  If we feed ourselves a diet of sensual images of pornography, how can we expect to get anything good out when we need it.  Just like how eating healthy food yields good general health and a good appearance, a diet of junk food will make us sick physically and we won’t look healthy.

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Galatians 6:8

Sin is inherently in our hearts because we are human, but we can overcome the sin in our hearts with good.  We can guard our hearts by keeping our eyes and ears and persons away from the influences of the world, away from sin.  We guard our hearts not only by avoiding off color jokes, not exposing your eyes to porn or other sensual material, listening to music or radio that does not honor God, but we can fill ourselves up with good things!  Here are a few things we can do to overcome evil with good!

  • Pray – prayer tunes our hearts towards the things of God and His will.  Communicating with your father fills you with His Spirit
  • Read the Bible – reading God’s word will work in your heart to break down any lies you believe that have been fed to you by the world.
  • listen to positive music – uplifting positive music will keep your mind out of the gutter and from focusing on the sins all around us.
  • Watch positive TV or news – We have unlimited sources of media, even good media.  pick movies that affirm your values.  watch news that is positive
  • Go to church – recharge your spiritual batteries and feed on truth from church.  Getting together with like minded people who affirm your values is good for you.
  • Join a club or Bible study – civic organizations and Bible studies are good places to be around people who encourage you and teach you how to live outside yourself.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things. Phillipians 4:8

So if you are sick of the things you are saying or doing or thinking.. stop and consider what is in your heart.  Start guarding your heart and feeding it a diet of positive life giving things!

Covenant Eyes Review Accountability Filter Software

Covenant eyes software


Covenant Eyes Review – Accountability & internet filtering software

covenant eyes review

Today, I write my Covenant Eyes review for you to give you my opinion on the product.  Covenant Eyes is a software package that loads on your computer similar to other accountability & filtering software.  Unlike X3Watch, Covenant Eyes is not free.  You will pay a monthly fee based on what services you use and how many accounts you need.

The number of user accounts you choose will depend on how you want to police the internet in your house.  I have one account on my computer and it automatically logs on when my computer starts up.  Under this one account, all computer users in my house will be subject to the same level of internet filtering and accountability reporting.  This works for me, but may not for you.  Sometimes the best approach is one account for the children and one for the adults.  If you have more than one account, each account will have a separate login to use the internet.

There are two main functions of covenant eyes: Internet filtering and Accountability.  You have the option to use filtering, accountability or both.

The filter will block pornographic and questionable websites.  You can set the level of the filter based on the user as long as you set up separate user accounts.  You may also specify websites to always block or always allow.  This is great if you like a stricter level of filter, but want to allow one or two sites that would normally be blocked at that filter level.  The filter also gives you the ability to allow a user to access the internet at certain times of the day and for a certain total amount of time.  This works especially well if you want to limit the total time spent on the internet or prevent late night internet surfing while they should be sleeping!

Get your FREE 30 Day Trial of Covenant Eyes.

The accountability part of the software will log all of you visited websites.  This report is available to both you and your accountability partner on the internet through covenant eyes’ website.  Covenant eyes scores each site you visit.  The scoring is done in real time and scans a web page before it loads.  A low scoring site means it is harmless, but a higher scoring site means you might want to take a look into what it is.  Your report will only list higher scoring sites to keep the report useful and to not alarm the user.  A summary at the top of the report will tell the user at a glance whether there was anything to be concerned about for the reporting period selected.  Your accountability report will also list any questionable searches performed.  If someone was inquiring about ‘bikini photos’ they would be listed on this report.

One unique feature of covenant eyes is the panic button.  The panic button is available for the user to click in case they are overcome with the urge to view pornography or something else on the internet.  The panic button will disable your internet and forbid any websites to load until you can call the Covenant eyes hotline and have them turn it back on.  This is a great feature that allows someone to calm down and come back down to reality before returning to the internet.  If temptation is too much for you to handle the panic button is there for you.

My overall feelings about covenant eyes are positive.  The only downside in my opinion is that pages take an extra second or two to load up, but when I consider the benefits and think back to the days of dial-up, I can accept this.  I really like the adjustability of the filter, the accountability reporting and the panic button.  I highly recommend paying the monthly fee for both filter and accountability services.  The accountability report is much better than X3Watch because of the ranking system and the fact that a complete log of sites can be reviewed.  The filtering is very flexible and allows you to police the use of the internet far easier than other ways.  I feel that my kids and I are protected well from obscenities.  The accountability report is an added layer of protection should my wife or I become tempted to visit a website we would not want the other to know about.

Get your FREE 30 Day Trial of Covenant Eyes.


 If you haven’t already, be sure to sign up for my email course on tips/tricks to optimize covenant eyes – See here

Disclosure statement – I whole heartedly recommend covenant eyes and if you sign up, I will receive a small commission.  These commissions help to support this website and all of it’s content & help it provides.  Thank you. 

Men: Your Porn Usage is Destroying Your Wife

Wives view of porn

Men, let’s be blunt; when you’re done delving into a world full of instant self-gratification, your wife is crying while scrolling through your Internet browser history. Of course, you’re wondering why your wife is so upset over a picture. After all, it’s not like you grabbed a girl from a bar and took her to a shady motel to enjoy a night full of casual sex. You were masturbating, and simply using your favorite porn site as an instrumental tool in helping you achieve an orgasm. Perhaps if your wife was more interested in satisfying you sexually, you could find the time to set those pictures aside and engage in intimacy with her.

It’s More Than Just a Picture

If you were scrolling through a porn site to find the one video that’s going to get you in the mood, and you stumbled across a video or a picture of your wife pleasuring herself; it wouldn’t sit well with you. It’s likely that you’re going to question the very foundation that your relationship is based on. How could she exploit her body? Better yet, how could you be angry with her for being the visual provider when you have no problem being the visual consumer? After all, it’s just a picture of her. That very justification should blow a hole through your logic. If you knew your wife felt betrayed by you looking at pornography, you shouldn’t do it. Just like if you knew your wife would feel betrayed by you sleeping with another woman; you wouldn’t do it.

You’re Bringing Another Woman Into Your Bed

When your wife is aware of your pornography addiction, she feels as if you have brought another woman into the bed you share as husband and wife. Women need to feel an emotional connection during intercourse, and that’s not easy to accomplish when your wife is inundated with insecurities and thoughts of you fantasizing about the last girl you watched roll around in the nude during your Internet porn quest in the bathroom.

You’re Making Her Feel Ugly

It’s your job to make your wife feel like the sexiest woman in the world. When you’re seeking out images of other naked women, it destroys your wife’s confidence. Humans are competitive by nature, and if your wife feels that you think there’s something better out there than her, she’s going to start to criticize her own body. Even if it’s just a visual thing, and you’re not going bananas over the body of the woman in the porn you’re viewing, it doesn’t matter. Your wife takes it as a direct blow to her self-esteem. When you exchanged vows, you made a commitment to your wife. That commitment involves not lusting after other women. It’s only natural for her to feel as if she’s been cheated on. In all honesty, if you found naked videos of her like we mentioned above, you’d feel as though she cheated on you. It doesn’t matter which end of the spectrum you’re on. If you’re on the porn spectrum at all, you’re wrong.

She Knows You Better

If you think, for one minute, that your angry reaction to your wife’s questions and accusations is justified, you’re mistaken. You feel riddled with guilt. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t be reading this. You know that your wife’s heart-broken questions derive from her intuition. It angers you that she knows what you’re thinking and searching for, and you don’t want to face it. The best thing you can do for your porn addiction is to open yourself up, admit it to your wife, offer gut-wrenching honesty, and wear that guilt like a badge. You will never overcome this without allowing yourself to feel the guilt and shame. That guilt or shame will provide you with the motivation you need to show your wife the remorse and apology she deserves while teaching you a valuable lesson. You need to feel how wrong it is, or you’ll never get past it.

Is Incognito mode browsing hiding internet history?

incognito mode private browsing

How does incognito mode or private browsing work and can it really hide internet history?

Most all of the internet browsers made today include privacy features called incognito mode or private browsing.  An internet user simply had to open up a new tab on the internet browser in private or incognito mode.  That tells the internet browser:

  • Do not track my websites visited
  • Do not keep record of any internet cookies
  • Do not record any passwords or autofill information
  • Do not record any history of files downloaded
  • Do not keep any files in the cache (images, etc)

All of these instructions apply only to the new incognito tab that was just opened.  Once that tab is closed, you are back to normal internet browsing.

There are many reasons you might not want the computer to track you internet history.  You might be on a public computer or banking on another PC.  Most of the time however, the person is looking at stuff they don’t want anyone else to know about.  Since you are on this website, you know what I’m talking about.

So, for the person trying to hide his/her internet tracks and those of you who wish to know what they were looking at here is what can be found out.  The private browsing modes will not hide downloaded files.  If you download a movie to watch, the file will not be found in the download history of the browser, but the file will be on your hard drive.  If after downloading that file, you watched it with a video player on your computer, that will be on the video player history.

Incognito mode does not protect your privacy from the websites you visit.  They will still know your IP address, places you’ve been on the internet and everything else they can know about you normally.  

Internet service providers also will know where you have been online.  They have records of all your internet surfing, but I think that someone would need a warrant to seize those records.

Now you are thinking, “I suspect that he/she is watching internet porn, but I cannot prove it.  They have been using that incognito private browsing mode.”   Don’t worry, I will tell you how to get that data!  Before we do that, let’s think first about what you are going to do with this data.  The data you get could possibly change your world.  I mean that!  If you find out your husband not just watching porn, but is watching some very offensive porn, what will you do?  What will you say?

Now that you have decided what you will do with the data you collect, let’s talk about how to get it.  Incognito or private browsing will not leave traces of history on the computer or phone.  So you must intercept that data as it is transferred back and forth from the internet.

If you want to track the internet on PC or Mac computers, I suggest using either Covenant Eyes or Accountable2You.  Both of these softwares will track and report on internet searches and websites visited.  There are 2 differences to note:  Searches in the Mac Safari browser are not picked up by Covenant Eyes, but all others browsers are.  Also, Accountable2You has instant text message notification when a mature site or search is registered.

If you wish to track the internet on someone’s mobile device, I suggest Accountable2You.  It seems to work good on either Android or Apple devices and it will give you text message alerts.  Covenant Eyes seems to have problems capturing data within apps.  For example, someone could download the pinterest app and then search for porn within the app and not trigger a note on the accountability report.

Both of these software programs work fairly similarly as they monitor internet traffic and pass it against their filters and judge it as either good or bad.  They both also log all internet traffic and app usage to a point as noted above.

No matter what angle you are approaching this article from I hope you have found it useful and put a plan into action.


Covenant Eyes special 60 free trial

covenant eyes review

Get Covenant Eyes free for 60 days – limited time offer.

Hi all – it’s Christmas season and I have so much to be thankful for. I have a great family, wife, job and friends. What more could a guy ask for? I am so blessed by the Father. He is so good to me even though I don’t deserve it.  Grace is great!

I don’t think grace is cheap.  Cheap grace is thinking you can go on and sin knowing your sins are forgiven.  God forgive us for cheap grace.  It cost him so much and to us it is of little value sometimes…  sorry for the digression there.


covenant eyes review

Christmas time is a time of reflection on all the blessings our Lord has given to us.  All good things come from above!  We give gifts at Christmas time as a representation of what God gave to us in the form of his son Jesus.  The gift of eternal life through Jesus!  God loves us so much and doesn’t want us to go to hell.  He is also a God of justice and must punish sin.  Perfect love, perfect justice… that is what He is.  Jesus is the answer to the gap between our sin deserving punishment from his justice and the willingness that he doesn’t want us to go to hell.  Jesus was born sinless and lived sinless and then was sacrificed to pay the price for sinful man.  He is our atoning sacrifice to satisfy the justice God requires in punishing sin.  We need to accept that gift from God and we are then counted as righteous in the eye of God!  How great is that!!

Christmas presents are given as a symbol of the gift God gave to us in the form of His son Jesus.  When giving gifts this year, tech gifts are among the hottest things to give.  Protect your loved ones from internet filth by installing Covenant Eyes software on these gifts.  You want to bless them, not give them the opportunity to stumble.

I have a special relationship with Covenant Eyes, Inc.  They are the developers of accountability and filtering software for the internet.  This software is installed on any computer, phone or tablet and it will watch or filter the internet sites that are visited by the user.  Ron Dehaas the founder of Covenant Eyes, is a good christian family man who has a passion for protecting youth, family and marriages from the devastation of internet pornography.

If you click on this link and sign up for Covenant Eyes you will:

  • Get a limited time 60 days free trail (until December 19, 2014)
  • Support this ministry to fight against porn and help those ensnared in it (they send me a commission for signups)
  • Most importantly! – protect your loved ones from influence of internet p0rn

Once this offer is gone, you still will receive 30 days for free!  It’s Covenant Eyes belief that every man & woman should make a covenant with their eyes to not look upon the opposite sex with lust!

Join the thousands of other families who rely upon Covenant Eyes to keep their families free from the influence of our porn saturated culture!

Try Covenant Eyes – Click Here

Merry Christmas


Porn Industry Secrets

former porn actress shelley lubben

Porn Industry Secrets


In this hard hitting video, Shelley Lubben bears her soul and also reveals the secrets inside the porn industry.


Shelly Lubben is a former porn actress who works to save girls from the ravages of the porn industry.  She works through her own organization – Pink Cross foundation.  In this video she tells all the evils inside the porn industry and poses some probing questions we should be asking ourselves.

  • Porn actresses are recruited on social media sites such as Facebook, Tunblr, Twitter, Instagram, etc.
  • Girls are lured to California for ‘modeling’ interviews and then raped, filmed and blackmailed to perform whatever is asked by the producers.
  • STDs are rampant in the porn industry
  • Drugs, alcohol, abortions, self-hatred are normal parts of the actresses lives
  • Almost all porn actresses have suffered from sexual abuse earlier in life

  • When you consume porn, whether you pay for it or not, you are supporting pornographers and the treatment of these actresses.
  • Will you still feel the same when you masturbate to porn when you know these things?
  • Is it right for you to get off on someone else’s abuse?
  • Did you realize many times women cry uncontrollable after a performance because they are ashamed, unloved and used?

Stats on Kids and porn

playboy magazine offer to 8 year old boy

Here are some stats that will blow your mind.  They should also make you pause and think about your own family.

– 90% of boys have viewed internet pornography

– 70% of girls have viewed internet pornography

– 71% of kids say they hide their internet activity

– 56% of divorce cases say a major contributing factor is one spouse’s continual use of internet pornography

What are you doing to keep internet porn away from your kids and spouse?  Do you want an affordable internet filter and accountability software?

Finding your WHY to make lasting lifestyle changes

Lasting lifestyle change WHY

Finding your Why will lead to lasting lifestyle changes


Whenever you want to make a change in your life, after deciding what that change is and developing a plan, you need to work on your Why. Setting goals to make positive changes in your life is important. A goal is where you want to be at a specific point in time in the future. Goals need to be backed up by a good plan that measures your success so that you can make adjustments along the way.


Having a goal and a plan to get there is not enough. You still need to think about your Why. Your Why is the reason(s) for wanting to achieve the goal. Your Why is the underlying purpose behind your goal and is what is driving you to make it. When times get tough your Why will remind you of the reasons and will pull you through. Your Why is tied to a deep seated belief or emotion at your core or someone you really care about.

Lasting lifestyle change WHY


Let’s look at an example. I want to lose weight. Great, but let’s narrow that down and be specific. I want to lose 25 pounds by June 15th. That means I’ll have to lose approximately 4.25 pounds per month or just over a pound per week for the next six months. Perfect. What is your Why?


The reason I want to loose weight is to have my clothes fit better and feel healthier. Good enough? Maybe. Can we dig a bit deeper? Why do I want to have my clothes fit better? I don’t want to go shopping for bigger clothes. Why? Because I don’t want to admin to my wife that my clothes don’t fit. I already don’t feel good about myself and further embarrassment won’t help. If I can lose weight I will avoid the embarrassment of asking for new clothes plus I will feel better about my self and be more confident.


Let’s drill down on feeling healthier. Why do I want to feel healthier? Well, my kids can run circles around me. I am sluggish and slow. If I get healthier I can be more active with them. If I am healthier, I won’t fall into obesity and heart disease like the rest of my family is experiencing. Their quality of life is bad and I don’t want to live like that.


Do you see what we’ve done? We kept asking Why until we got to the core of the reasons. Most reasons can be drilled down until you strike that nerve! You need to discover your Why or Whys, otherwise you won’t feel like pulling out of the dip that comes when you’re ready to give up.


Let’s look at a Why as it relates to breaking free from addiction to pornography. I want to be free from pornography because it will ruin my marriage. If my marriage is ruined, I will be lonely and will miss my kids deeply. I can’t imagine being that alone and having my heart ache because I chose looking at naked women on the internet over my kids and wife. I don’t want to break her heart and my kids hearts by having to leave them.


I also want to be free from pornography because it angers God. It makes me feel guilty and destroys our relationship. In 1 Corinthians 6:9 got says adulterers won’t inherit the kingdom. I certainly don’t want to risk my salvation over some temporary fleshly pleasures.


Every time I get tempted to look at pornography, I stop and ask myself; Is this ten minutes of pleasure really worth destroying my family and having my heart and my kids hearts broken? Is it really wise to exchange some video of a woman I don’t know for an eternity away from God? Can I hurt the feelings of a God who has given me so much?


When I see the sadness on my children’s faces and when I feel the loneliness of living without my family, I know the my Why. When I feel the shame and guilt and see the disappointment of my heavenly father or picture myself at the gates of heaven being turned away, I know my Why.


Your Why will hit the core of your beliefs, the things you love and cherish, and your self worth. Your Why will ring true with who you are and who you want to be. When you feel that emotion associated with your why, you know you have found it.


Now go and find your Whys for the things your want to change in your life!




The Truth will Set you Free, but…

the truth will set you free

Truth sets you free, but first it’s going to piss you off!


Jesus was the first to say this very often quoted line in John 8:31-32 – 31 To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. 32 Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

In this context, Jesus was speaking to believing Jews and was telling them that he was the source of Truth and not their traditions passed down through Abraham. This truth that Jesus possessed and shared with them would set them free. Free from the consequences and slavery to sin because through Jesus to those who believed in Him, the power of sin was broken.

This verse is used many times in modern days without reference to the truth of Jesus, but to other things. Truth in many instances is the beginning of freedom. Many times you have to face the facts before you can move away from uneasy or downright nasty situations.

the truth will set you free

Next stop Truth followed by Freedom

My favorite variation of this quote was given to me by a counselor. She would say; “The truth will set you free, but first it’s going to piss you off.” Maybe a bit crude, but spot on!

When confronted with truth, we come to a point of decision; accept it or deny it. When we deny it, we simply disregard it straight out of hand. “That can’t be true” or “I think you are wrong” are a few of the short responses we say without giving it some time to consider. It may be that we won’t consider it, but most of the time we recognized the bit of truth. It simply hurts us to much to ponder it deeper and we blow it off.

On the other hand, we could recognize that nugget of truth and give it some thought. Sure, the truth is at times hard to handle and will piss you off, but once that is overcome we can move towards the freedom. Our thoughts may look something like; “Maybe she is right” or “I didn’t know that I made him feel that way”

The anger part comes in when we feel awful for what we have done and how we hurt others in our life. The anger also comes because no one likes to feel attacked and confronted. The truth has a way of being confrontational and challenging our egos. We want to fight back and defend ourselves, mostly this is a primal reaction. Truth hurts sometimes.

Looking at this through the lens of porn addiction and our lives, the truth will indeed piss off both parties! You are the spouse that finds your husband’s internet history includes frequent visits to a porn site. The initial reaction to this truth is anger! “Why is he spending hours on porn sites?” “Am I not good enough for him?” “Does he find me unattractive?”

Now on the other side of this situation is the husband who looks at porn and is confronted by his wife. She has evidence of your visits to porn sites and confronts him about it. This is a hard truth to admit to! In fact it is gonna get him angry! When confronted with the hurt he has caused her and the sin in his own life, it will make him defensive and anger will swell. Some of his thoughts may be some of these: “How could I be so stupid?” “What the heck is the matter with me?” “She doesn’t deserve to be treated like this.” “I know that what I’ve done is wrong, but I can’t stop.”

Truth hurts on both sides of the equation. It’s going to piss you off! When you are the one who has to confront someone with painful truth, do it in love. Confronting someone in love is doing it for their own good and not out of any self-serving interests. If you approach the situation with the attitude of “I’m going to really give it to him, what a hypocrite he is and he needs to be taken down a few notches.” Or “I have every right to let him have it because of what he has done to me.” Those are not speaking the truth in love. If you have this in mind; “Man, this really hurts, but he needs to know, I don’t want him to continue to live defeated by sin.”

When you are on the receiving end of the truth, try to control your anger and look at this as an opportunity to admit to the things you have done. The other person may not be 100% true or they are and you are not ready to admit to it. Truth will only set you free when you acknowledge it and then take to heart what it is trying to teach you.

Truth sets you free when a hidden thing is out in the open and exposed to the light. Sin grows in the darkness and makes you it’s slave. You do not realize the power it has over you until you expose it and experience freedom! This may sound foreign and crazy, but I know first-hand how admitting sin and exposing it will kill it and set you free.

Give this a try and tell me if I’m not right. Admit to something you have been hiding from everyone. It doesn’t have to be a huge sin to start, but acknowledge you’ve been hiding from the truth about yourself and need to tell someone. Get it out in the open with a good friend, pastor or counselor. Freedom will come to you over this!

I want to hear your stories of being set free by the truth. Tell your story in the comment section below or hit my contact page. Get it off your chest here to a group of non-judgmental people who will treat you with love.


Evidence of Her Husband’s Porn Stash

evidence husband porn stash

Reader Question regarding her husband’s Porn Stash on his device.

Mary asks if his stash of images and videos is on his personal Sansa media device.

evidence husband porn stash

I have found tons of evidence of porn watching and voyeurism from myhusband. This has been going on for years, I have decided to leave himbut before I do I want to show him everything I found. I asked to seehis Sansa Fuzzy because I found out he had one. He says there is onlymusic and no porn or pictures. The memory card is missing and I wouldbet my life he down loaded on it and hid the card. AM I RIGHT? Itonly had music on there but I know he still is watching it. ~Mary


Mary, I think that his secrecy and protection of his Sansa device may indicate he is using it to watch porn. I understand privacy and all, but anyone who hides or is overprotective of their iPod, cell phone or other device from their spouse is probably hiding something.

I’m guessing that the memory card is what the movies are stored on and the Sansa won’t work without it. He is clever in hiding the memory card, but whatcomputer is he using to download the movies from onto the card? If you need concrete proof, find that computer.

You say you have decided to leave him and want to show him everything you havefound. It sounds like his Sansa is one piece of evidence you have against him. Does he think that you don’t know about his porn watching? Has he been denying it all these years and now you have the evidence to confront him with?

I can see your point in the evidence gathering. You don’t want to be wrong inyour confrontation with him. When I suspected my wife was cheating on me I gathered some evidence from the computer and showed her. She had denied any wrong doing and the evidence I had was a bit sketchy. It was enough to confirm she was at least chatting with another man.

The evidence didn’t hold up and she was very angry at my spying on her to get that information. I believe she still holds that against me. Some good advice I received and will pass along to anyone reading this is that you shouldn’t spy or gather evidence until you decide what you are going to do oneway or the other. I knew she was chatting with another guy, but it burned me up inside because I couldn’t tell for sure one way or another if she was having an affair.

If he is using porn, what will you do with that information? Confront him andthen leave him? Help him enroll in a treatment program? If it’s not porn then why did you have your suspicions? Are you generally insecure or is he not trustworthy?

Mary, this doesn’t sound good for your relationship. I hope you have made theright decision. Good luck

I am totally Addicted to Porn

addicted to porn

Reader Question; I am totally addicted to Porn. How do I Defeat triggers that lead me to watch porn?


I now feel like I can’t stop. I am totally addicted. I try to stop but my triggers for watching porn are too strong. I like to watch movies and surf the internet. Every time I see something that’s sexual, it triggers me to watch porn. I try to stop but at that moment my addiction becomes too strong. I am trying to overcome my triggers. I really enjoy watching movies so I can’t give that up, but I have a weakness. I have been able to overcome having sexual thoughts but I can’t control myself once I see sexual content. If it’s a popup for an adult site, I have thought before of just closing it, but instead I spend a minute viewing it rather than closing it like i do with other popups. If I see an attractive woman, I keep watching… internet only and this makes me think of watching porn and masturbating. And I do it even though I tell myself that I must not. Anyway I need to defeat my trigger that only comes from the internet and movies. I am dependent on the internet and movies, so I can’t give them up. But if I defeat my triggers, then I won’t watch porn, because I never just decide to watch porn, I always and triggered by sexual content to go view it. It’s terrible, and i can’t stop, been this way for years now. ~Jacob

addicted to porn

Thanks for writing in Jacob. I can totally relate to your question as I know what you are going through. There was a time in my life when I would do the exact same thing with a trigger.

I like to relate a trigger to hitting the passing gear in your car. The next time you merge onto the highway or try to speed up and pass someone, notice what happens when you mash down the gas pedal. Stepping on the gas to pass someone does two things; it revs up the motor and drops the car into a lower gear. The combination of both of these things propels the car forward much faster than if you just gave it more gas.

A trigger will change gears in your mind and push your forward very quickly! This other gear is the one you use for lust which leads to masturbation. How do you avoid dropping into the lust gear?

When you encounter a trigger you must not let yourself switch to the lust gear. That gear is another thought pattern that you have developed over time. You’ve programmed yourself to see an attractive woman, and then you mash the gas pedal until your done taking care of yourself.

Lift off the gas! Once you see an attractive woman, you have a few seconds to decide what your next move is. At least for me it went like this; “oh, wow she looks fine and check out those @li$%&!” “I bet it would be a blast to… man, I wonder if I can find that scenario online..” Then I would be search the net for a porn site. After a while, I noticed that I was giving in to the slightest trigger and taking it all the way to using porn.

After seeing a well-built woman, I had about 3 seconds to decide what my next move was. I bet you have about the same amount of time to either mash down the gas pedal or lift off the gas.

Instead of mindlessly following your urges to mash down the gas, you must consciously put a stop to letting your mind go there. What I would do was get up and take a walk or hit the off button on the TV or computer. Take that thought captive and consider what you were thinking about doing. Get yourself out of that situation and into a new setting. If you make a habit of doing this, it gets easier each time and eventually attractive women will not cause this reaction. The key here is to use that 3 second pause and get your mind onto another subject and leave the room. Changing the subject in your mind is tough, but it must be practiced to win this battle.

Avoiding your triggers is another thing that will help. I only say this because the more often you act out, the deeper that behavior becomes burned into you. It is unrealistic to think avoiding your triggers alone will help, because sooner or later you will run into one and if you haven’t learned how to deal with them you will lose!

Part of getting out of the rut is to stop doing the same things that lead you there in the first place. Stop spending so much time watching movies and surfing the net! You say you are dependent on movies and the internet, but there are many forms of entertainment out there.

One of the things that helped me was to redirect my passion into a hobby. I took up remote controlled cars again like I had as a boy. It was exciting and gratifying to read about the latest technology and take a trip to the hobby shop. Jacob, let me know how these things work for you.

If anyone else has other suggestions for Jacob, please leave a comment below.