The Truth will Set you Free, but…

Truth sets you free, but first it’s going to piss you off!

 

Jesus was the first to say this very often quoted line in John 8:31-32 – 31 To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. 32 Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

In this context, Jesus was speaking to believing Jews and was telling them that he was the source of Truth and not their traditions passed down through Abraham. This truth that Jesus possessed and shared with them would set them free. Free from the consequences and slavery to sin because through Jesus to those who believed in Him, the power of sin was broken.

This verse is used many times in modern days without reference to the truth of Jesus, but to other things. Truth in many instances is the beginning of freedom. Many times you have to face the facts before you can move away from uneasy or downright nasty situations.

the truth will set you free

Next stop Truth followed by Freedom

My favorite variation of this quote was given to me by a counselor. She would say; “The truth will set you free, but first it’s going to piss you off.” Maybe a bit crude, but spot on!

When confronted with truth, we come to a point of decision; accept it or deny it. When we deny it, we simply disregard it straight out of hand. “That can’t be true” or “I think you are wrong” are a few of the short responses we say without giving it some time to consider. It may be that we won’t consider it, but most of the time we recognized the bit of truth. It simply hurts us to much to ponder it deeper and we blow it off.

On the other hand, we could recognize that nugget of truth and give it some thought. Sure, the truth is at times hard to handle and will piss you off, but once that is overcome we can move towards the freedom. Our thoughts may look something like; “Maybe she is right” or “I didn’t know that I made him feel that way”

The anger part comes in when we feel awful for what we have done and how we hurt others in our life. The anger also comes because no one likes to feel attacked and confronted. The truth has a way of being confrontational and challenging our egos. We want to fight back and defend ourselves, mostly this is a primal reaction. Truth hurts sometimes.

Looking at this through the lens of porn addiction and our lives, the truth will indeed piss off both parties! You are the spouse that finds your husband’s internet history includes frequent visits to a porn site. The initial reaction to this truth is anger! “Why is he spending hours on porn sites?” “Am I not good enough for him?” “Does he find me unattractive?”

Now on the other side of this situation is the husband who looks at porn and is confronted by his wife. She has evidence of your visits to porn sites and confronts him about it. This is a hard truth to admit to! In fact it is gonna get him angry! When confronted with the hurt he has caused her and the sin in his own life, it will make him defensive and anger will swell. Some of his thoughts may be some of these: “How could I be so stupid?” “What the heck is the matter with me?” “She doesn’t deserve to be treated like this.” “I know that what I’ve done is wrong, but I can’t stop.”

Truth hurts on both sides of the equation. It’s going to piss you off! When you are the one who has to confront someone with painful truth, do it in love. Confronting someone in love is doing it for their own good and not out of any self-serving interests. If you approach the situation with the attitude of “I’m going to really give it to him, what a hypocrite he is and he needs to be taken down a few notches.” Or “I have every right to let him have it because of what he has done to me.” Those are not speaking the truth in love. If you have this in mind; “Man, this really hurts, but he needs to know, I don’t want him to continue to live defeated by sin.”

When you are on the receiving end of the truth, try to control your anger and look at this as an opportunity to admit to the things you have done. The other person may not be 100% true or they are and you are not ready to admit to it. Truth will only set you free when you acknowledge it and then take to heart what it is trying to teach you.

Truth sets you free when a hidden thing is out in the open and exposed to the light. Sin grows in the darkness and makes you it’s slave. You do not realize the power it has over you until you expose it and experience freedom! This may sound foreign and crazy, but I know first-hand how admitting sin and exposing it will kill it and set you free.

Give this a try and tell me if I’m not right. Admit to something you have been hiding from everyone. It doesn’t have to be a huge sin to start, but acknowledge you’ve been hiding from the truth about yourself and need to tell someone. Get it out in the open with a good friend, pastor or counselor. Freedom will come to you over this!

I want to hear your stories of being set free by the truth. Tell your story in the comment section below or hit my contact page. Get it off your chest here to a group of non-judgmental people who will treat you with love.

 

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Why A Porn habit is so hard to break

Last time we looked at why porn is so addictive.  We learned that a chemical reaction in your brain just like what a drug user experiences is part of why it is so addictive.  This along with the climax we experience from masturbation puts a double whammy on the body to give us a euphoric pleasure.  We also talked about the cycle of porn usage and how we go from craving to acting on the craving and using porn to shame & guilt and swearing to not do it again.  We find ourselves in this cycle over and over again.

 porn habits are hard to break

Lost in the porn addiction cycle we long to get out, but it seems there is no use.  We feel almost helpless.  We tell ourselves that this is just something we have to live with; anyways it is not hurting anyone right?  Deep down inside we secretly loathe ourselves because of it.  We think of ourselves as dirty, weak creatures who would be looked down upon if anyone ever found out about what we do while alone. 

 

The biggest reason that a porn habit is hard to break is because of its secrecy! Porn is a secret sin!  The internet provides anonymity for us to seek out porn within the safety of our homes.  Erase the internet history, dump the cookies and erase the temporary internet files and know one will know.  We don’t have to get in our cars and risk being seen walking into an adult bookstore.  Covering our tracks and hiding all traces has been how we have been living.  If no one knows, I will be able to keep my marriage and respect that everyone has for me. 

 

The secrecy is a double edged sword!  You will be able to hide your secret porn life and keep your status as an outstanding husband, dad and citizen, but you will not like yourself.  The secrecy also will perpetuate the porn usage.  No one knows, and you can keep doing whatever you like.  Porn addiction grows when it is in the dark, secret place.  Porn is like a fungus – it thrives in the dark and dies when exposed to the light!  Part of your battle plan will involve telling someone about your problem.  You will be amazed at how much release you will feel when you expose your porn problem.  We will talk at length about this later.

 

A porn habit is so hard to break because of the sex crazed culture we live in.  Everywhere you turn; TV, billboards, magazines, the office – sexily & seductively dressed people are everywhere.  This culture has a preoccupation with sex.  Sex has been elevated to idol status and we learn to seek after it and revere it like it was a deity.  Listen to the radio or watch TV and talk about sex is everywhere.  Sexual conquests, affairs, and seduction are commonly spoke about and portrayed throughout the day as the be all end all of our existence.  To a porn addict, these bombardments cause us to think more about sex and want to use porn.  We can’t turn our sex filled minds off and onto more noble things while we are assaulted at every corner!  Speaking as a visually stimulated man, it is very hard to keep your eyes & mind on the straight and narrow. 

 

A porn habit is very hard to break because many of us believe that our porn usage is not hurting anyone. – There are no victims from my pornogrpahy use.   We think, ‘I am not physically cheating on my spouse’, or ‘Porn actresses have made a decision to act, they are not coerced’, or ‘Porn does not change the way I act towards my family and co-workers’.  So if it is not hurting anyone and sex is natural, why is it wrong?   I truly believed this for many years and thought that porn usage was normal for many people.  What I didn’t realize was that porn was changing the way I looked at women, was causing me to be more selfish, was robbing me of my passion for anything else, and was destroying my ability to be intimate emotionally and physically with anyone.  Porn will rob you of passion and intimacy and cause you to put yourself and your needs above anyone else.  There is much more to elaborate on these points later. 

 

Using porn is so hard to break away from because of the secrecy involved, the sex crazed society we live in and the lies we believe as to porn not hurting anyone.  If we are doing something in the privacy of our homes that no one knows about, but is talked about and reinforced everywhere we turn and is not hurting anyone why would it be wrong?  For porn to be wrong, we would have to be opposed to it morally and show that it has detrimental effects to those who use it and society in general.   

 

In our next installment we will talk more about the affects of porn on its users.

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Addicted to Porn – Signs of Porn Addiction

Addicted to Porn?  Here are a few signs you may have a problem with pornography

Many people want to know –  “How do I tell if  I am addicted to pornography?”   I have compiled a few points for you to consider when you are assessing whether you or someone you love has an addiction to porn.  Some of the answers can only be done personally, but you will be able to place the other person’s behavior into these questions if assessing someone you love.

Addicted to porn

  • You become ‘obsessed’ with it – you are constantly seeking another time to view porn- you plan your days around it.   Has porn use become your number 1 or 2 need in your life?  Do you find yourself looking forward to another session in front of the computer or TV screen?  A porn addict will plan their days and free time around getting alone with pornography.  Anticipation throughout the day will get them through their daily routine.

 

  • Your mind frequently plays back the scenes you watched. Your mind is pre-occupied with sex.  Sex fills most of your thought life.  Do you find yourself daydreaming about sex?  Do you find yourself sexualizing most every situation and turning it into a porn film fantasy?  Do you look every woman up and down to consider what it would be like to have sex with her?

 

  • You cannot control the urges that come.  These urges order you to go get your fix.  It is the greatest need in your life.  Do you get yourself all worked up that you need to go use porn to get your fix?  Do you have urges to use porn that haunt you all day long?

 

  • Logic & safety goes out the window in pursuit of it.  You will take risks to satisfy your need for it.  Do you satisfy your desire for porn with risky behaviors – visiting adult book stores, view porn at work, view porn in public, go to strip clubs?  Has the pursuit of you next fix led you to seek more risque forms of porn?  Has ‘normal porn’ become boring to you?  Are you into lesbian, fetishes, beastiality, teen, or illegal porn (child porn)?  Are you interested or have you had an affair and considered hooking up with strangers for sex?

This list is not all inclusive, but will lead you in the right direction to consider your level of involvement in pornography.  Just because you can’t identify with all these behaviors doesn’t mean you aren’t addicted.

Some people are more introverted in their addictions and keep it to themselves and think they are in control.  They will not act out as far as risking careers, family, or jail in pursuit of their porn high.

Other people will drift into the extroverted and out of control behaviors.  They are the ones who get into the most perverse forms of porn and will even get involved in affairs and sex with prostitutes.

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