Last time we looked at why porn is so addictive. We learned that a chemical reaction in your brain just like what a drug user experiences is part of why it is so addictive. This along with the climax we experience from masturbation puts a double whammy on the body to give us a euphoric pleasure. We also talked about the cycle of porn usage and how we go from craving to acting on the craving and using porn to shame & guilt and swearing to not do it again. We find ourselves in this cycle over and over again.
Lost in the porn addiction cycle we long to get out, but it seems there is no use. We feel almost helpless. We tell ourselves that this is just something we have to live with; anyways it is not hurting anyone right? Deep down inside we secretly loathe ourselves because of it. We think of ourselves as dirty, weak creatures who would be looked down upon if anyone ever found out about what we do while alone.
The biggest reason that a porn habit is hard to break is because of its secrecy! Porn is a secret sin! The internet provides anonymity for us to seek out porn within the safety of our homes. Erase the internet history, dump the cookies and erase the temporary internet files and know one will know. We don’t have to get in our cars and risk being seen walking into an adult bookstore. Covering our tracks and hiding all traces has been how we have been living. If no one knows, I will be able to keep my marriage and respect that everyone has for me.
The secrecy is a double edged sword! You will be able to hide your secret porn life and keep your status as an outstanding husband, dad and citizen, but you will not like yourself. The secrecy also will perpetuate the porn usage. No one knows, and you can keep doing whatever you like. Porn addiction grows when it is in the dark, secret place. Porn is like a fungus – it thrives in the dark and dies when exposed to the light! Part of your battle plan will involve telling someone about your problem. You will be amazed at how much release you will feel when you expose your porn problem. We will talk at length about this later.
A porn habit is so hard to break because of the sex crazed culture we live in. Everywhere you turn; TV, billboards, magazines, the office – sexily & seductively dressed people are everywhere. This culture has a preoccupation with sex. Sex has been elevated to idol status and we learn to seek after it and revere it like it was a deity. Listen to the radio or watch TV and talk about sex is everywhere. Sexual conquests, affairs, and seduction are commonly spoke about and portrayed throughout the day as the be all end all of our existence. To a porn addict, these bombardments cause us to think more about sex and want to use porn. We can’t turn our sex filled minds off and onto more noble things while we are assaulted at every corner! Speaking as a visually stimulated man, it is very hard to keep your eyes & mind on the straight and narrow.
A porn habit is very hard to break because many of us believe that our porn usage is not hurting anyone. – There are no victims from my pornogrpahy use. We think, ‘I am not physically cheating on my spouse’, or ‘Porn actresses have made a decision to act, they are not coerced’, or ‘Porn does not change the way I act towards my family and co-workers’. So if it is not hurting anyone and sex is natural, why is it wrong? I truly believed this for many years and thought that porn usage was normal for many people. What I didn’t realize was that porn was changing the way I looked at women, was causing me to be more selfish, was robbing me of my passion for anything else, and was destroying my ability to be intimate emotionally and physically with anyone. Porn will rob you of passion and intimacy and cause you to put yourself and your needs above anyone else. There is much more to elaborate on these points later.
Using porn is so hard to break away from because of the secrecy involved, the sex crazed society we live in and the lies we believe as to porn not hurting anyone. If we are doing something in the privacy of our homes that no one knows about, but is talked about and reinforced everywhere we turn and is not hurting anyone why would it be wrong? For porn to be wrong, we would have to be opposed to it morally and show that it has detrimental effects to those who use it and society in general.
In our next installment we will talk more about the affects of porn on its users.